As I’ve been dealing with those dratted computer issues (turns out? When you live in a place where the outside can reach over 100 degrees, one does not leave their computer in the car. Unfortunately, I’ve already learned the very important don’t leave bananas in the hot car lesson) I didn’t properly get to celebrate with the rest of you! T.O.P is back! Or should I say Choi Seung Hyun is back!
And we fans are pleased as punch.
Of course, we’re not entirely certain what he comes back to. As Cherry said it’s a little like this:
What it must have been like watching this all go down from the inside yet on the fringes.
Part of me says it’s gone by so quickly, it really does feel like it hasn’t been that long since he went in but, if you count all the things that have happened between then and now both to T.O.P and to YG, it boggles the mind. (A horrible, horrible mind boggle.)
I thought it would be a while before he updated is Instagram, but instead, he went an entirely different route and updated instantly. What he wrote and what I saw both gave me hope and hurt my heart.
View this post on Instagram
, Even though I am not proud of myself, I would like to express my deepest gratitude to all the fans who made time and efforts to share this moment with me. I will make sure to reflect on my self and repay the hurts and disappointments I caused to you. Again, thank you Until I see you again.. love, T.O.P.
His words were like little sharp pieces that just poked at the general location of your heart. I wonder how long he’d been planning that or how long he’s going to be apologizing for what happened? In all the stories, in all the scandals that have happened since, it’s T.OP who I still feel the worst for. Before he went in we all knew he was not going to have an easy time of it, we all knew of T.O.P and his idiosyncrasies. Mental illness is a real struggle and I think it’s still hard to be accepted or be understood in Korea. He did what he did, he’s accepted his responsibility and he’s dealing with the fall out every day.
Will he be allowed to go on as T.O.P? I don’t know. I hope so. Would he even want to after everything that happened? I don’t know. I hope so.
Which brings me to the happy parts of these photos. The fact that all of these girls cared enough, supported him enough to show up to his release date? Makes me think that perhaps he can make it. I want to think that this made him happy, to see that there were people out there who were still in his camp. I thought it was funny they were meeting under the bridge like some clandestine affair until LizC explained it to me. This WAS some sort of clandestine affair, planned with the fan clubs. He was scheduled to be released at a certain time, everyone showed up, fangirls, press, but no T.O.P. Eventually the fangirls left, as did the press, I’m sure muttering about how inconsiderate he was. Turns out? After that point, all of the fangirls reconvened under the bridge where T.O.P showed, sans press. SWOOOON.
Usually, I mutter and gripe about the fan club, but this time? Kudos to you, guys. However it happened, it was a really special plan and I applaud you for it, now if only I could have been there!
He walked around, shook hands, bowed, handed out these handwritten cards. GAH. We could all see he had one of the cold sores he gets on his lip when he’s stressed out. Ouch, I’m back to that painful stabbing feeling in my heart!
However it happened, whatever comes next, I’m so glad he’s back. I didn’t realize just how much I missed him while he was gone!